What am I doing here??

Can't sleep. Stray dogs bark at night, They howl. They shriek. I want to shoot them all. With eyes tightly clenched I imagine myself wielding an Uzi or AK-47 or some such catastrophic weapon and gunning them all down. I am mad. I haven't slept in days.

The maid is another abomination. She thinks I am some sort of idiot. She has quoted a price for work 50% more than the average. I am mad. I will give her a thousand rupees more if she is honest. I refuse to be cheated. I tell her not to do the floors, just the dishes and that too so I don't go crazy with work. I wonder if I've done the right thing having her return to the place of work where she has been slighted.

The furniture I have ordered is delayed. I call and get a new person every time. I'll call back in half an hour, two days, one day, each one promises. I hear nothing. This from a Godrej dealer. Godrej, a leading Indian company! Right.

The dining table I have ordered cannot be done, they say now. The stand is a problem. Cancel the damn thing, I say in anger.

My husband has a stomach upset from the buffalo milk that he's using to make myriad cups of coffee.

Milk and water. A full time job. Boil each, save each, buy fresh milk everyday. Take care not to drink tap water. Wash the baby's mouth with boiled water.

I have a ball of knots in my stomach. I want to go back. I want to go home.

Today my parents left after having stayed with us through all of the troubles, through all of my whining, through all of my threats to go back.

I see them off in our rented car. I ask the driver to take them back to Bombay safe and sound. My mother waves goodbye, a sweet smile on her beautiful face. I know she wants to cry. I watch the car drive away.

I turn back, try not to cry as I take the lift back to our tenth floor apartment.

I know what I am doing here at last. I know. Milk, furniture, stray dogs and more nonsense, all notwithstanding, this has been the right thing to do. For now. For all.